Identity Crisis

My wife and I have a friend who when she was younger hated the fact she was a girl. She took it so far as to change her name (not legally, just at school), wear a boy's haircut, and dress exclusively in camouflage. Now in the years since she has embraced the role of being a girl. She's married now to a great guy and they have two amazing children. And we look back at that time in her life and laugh, hard, at the way she acted. I'm not sure I can say she was having an identity crisis during that time. I think it had more to do with the fact that she liked football and hunting than anything else. But there are people today, and there have been people for many years, who struggle with knowing who they are. They find themselves for whatever reason, caught in the midst of an identity crisis. It's not so much that they want to be someone else either. Instead I believe that it comes down to one simple truth: the forget who they are. And it's easy to see why that happens to people. With all of the competing voices in our culture telling us who we are and what it is that defines us, it's no wonder that people are confused or forgetful about who they really are. And then there are the circumstances of everyday life that can cause us to forget.

Such was the case for a lady in the Bible named Naomi. She and her family left their home town, looking for safety from a famine that was fast approaching. While she was in this foreign town, her sons married, her husband died, her sons died, one daughter-in-law left her and went home, and the other wouldn't let her take a step without her. This lady lost so much in such a short period of time, and it affected her. When she decided to go back to her home town, the people of the town were calling her name, excited to see her. But almost instantly, as if she had been rehearsing it the entire way back home, she told them not to call her Naomi (pleasant) anymore. Instead, she told them to call her Mara (bitter), because God had dealt bitterly with her. The road home gave her time to think about who she was. And instead of remembering her name, she heard the voice of the enemy telling her it was over, that God didn't care about her anymore, that He had failed her and left her.

And many people we see every day are in this same situation, maybe even you. Maybe you have been affected by life, bought into the lie of the enemy that you are not loved, cherished, important. Maybe you believe that God has failed you, given up on you, or is mad at you. But just as in Naomi's life, God has a plan for you too. In the case of Naomi, there was a redeemer who vowed to marry her daughter-in-law Ruth and restore everything she had known before. Her name was worth something, her identity was restore, all because a redeemer came along. And in your life and mine, a Redeemer came along to restore us to a place of prominence, a place of affection. No matter the storms of life, the difficulties that we face, Jesus, our Redeemer is there ready and willing to tell us that we are loved, that we haven't fallen too far to be rescued, to remind us who we are. Wherever you are today, don't surrender to an identity crisis. Be confident in who you are. God loves you, knows your name, and wants to remind you that you belong to Him, and that's where your true identity comes from.

Have you ever felt this way? What did you do to remind yourself of who you are in Christ?

Brokeness Before God

For thousands of years, there has been an on-going desire to be close to God. Looking back in both the Old and New Testaments, we see examples of people wanting to know God on a different level than they ever had before. Moses wanted to see God's face. James and John wanted to be close to Jesus and sit beside Him on the throne. And countless other people from times past even til today have desired to know God, to intimately know their Creator. And yet there have been few who have ever know Him that way, few who ever experience the relationship with God that they want and He so desperately wants to give them. And I believe it has much to do with the way we position ourselves. What I mean by that is this: in order to be intimate with God you have to be willing to be broken. Let me unpack that for a minute. Natural instinct is to avoid pain and trouble as much as is humanly possible. The reality is that none of us have a desire to suffer, to hurt, to be vulnerable. And so we do everything in our power to avoid those moments. And when they do occur, we try as hard as we can to find a way to fix them as fast as we can. But that's where I think we miss it. Instead of trying to find a way out, we should come to God, broken, and experience the intimate moment with the Savior. David, at one of the most broken and vulnerable times in his life, penned these words: "a broken and a contrite heart, O God You will not despise" (Psalm 51:17). The posture of intimacy with God is brokenness. And this is true not just in the moments of difficulty. This is also in those moments when everything is going great and we're on top of the world. God will draw close to us when we present ourselves as broken vessels before Him, no matter our circumstances. But how exactly do we do that? We present ourselves broken before God when we empty out all of the sin that separates us from Him, when we get rid of the stuff that competes for His time, when we are moved with compassion for the afflicted and abused, and when we serve others with His purpose in mind. When we're broken, poured out, emptied of the things that we think are so important to hold on to, then something amazing happens. God draws us closer to Himself, like a father sheltering his child from the storm. And it's in these moments when regardless of the chaos going on, the turmoil in our lives, we hear God whisper words we weren't able to hear before. Words that seem too glorious, too powerful, too awe-inspiring to even know. And it's here, in this state of brokenness, that God reveals His glory, His strength, His mercy. And it's amazing to think that this experience isn't reserved for the elite. It is available to all of us. And all we have to do is be broken.

What are your thoughts?

How have you experienced God in the broken moments?

A Committment

Every new year brings much of the same: resolutions, promises to do better, determination to break old habits or lose that last 10 (or 40) pounds that magically appeared over the last year. And every year, these promises seem to go unfulfilled. Whether it is a lack of determination or the busy-ness of life is debatable. But the fact remains that many resolutions go unresolved. I have made my fair share of these resolutions over the years, and like many people, I have let them falter and fail, never reaching the end of what I started out so excited to do. Enter this blog. I started writing this blog about a year and a half ago, and it's been almost that long since I wrote anything on it. I loved it to begin with. I finally had somewhere to write down my thoughts and have other people see what was going on inside my head. And that is huge to me. I have an English degree and writing has always been a passion of mine. But as the days moved on, I convinced myself I was too busy to write, had too much to do, and sort of gave up on the idea of a blog. But this year, I believe things are going to be different. I still have just as much to do, just as many things going on in my life, but I am making it a priority to write on my blog. Maybe it will be a few sentences a day. Maybe it will be a few entries a week. I'm not sure how it will happen, but I am determined to stay committed to this. I plan on seeing this resolution through to the end.

Confused and Overwhelmed

Two words that accurately define me right now are confused and overwhelmed. I find myself at a place in my life where things seem to be turning in many different directions. For the past few months, I've struggled with who I really am in God, what my purpose and calling are, what God wants me to do. In addition to the ministry side of me, much of my secular job situations are changing as well. I've been offered two different positions in the company over the past three months, both of which would change the course of my family financially. One position would be a drop in pay for a year and then a major pay increase would occur and the other would be an instant pay increase (fairly sizable at that). What to do? I'm ready to move forward and do what it is that God has planned. Right now its just a waiting on God time in our lives. Whatever the outcome, I'm waiting on God. So for the moment, being confused and overwhelmed is where I am at. But even still, God is leading me into something deeper, something more than I've ever known before. It's a heavy feeling, an uncomfortable position, but beautiful. The title of a song comes to mind, Broken and Beautiful. I understand it more and more as the time goes on. I don't know what will happen, but I'm trusting God to do what it is He wants with me. I'm empty God, come fill me.

Shift Conference 2008

First off, I know its been a long, long time since I last posted. Sorry to all of my adoring fans waiting for some new word of wisdom. I hate to disappoint you if you are truly waiting for wise words because you probably have stumbled onto the wrong blog. Anyway, I wanted to post today about my experience so far at the Shift Conference at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, IL (thanks Hayley for encouraging me to come because it is worth it already). First off can you say enormous! This church is ridiculously huge. I'm so glad that I didn't have to go very far on campus today or else I may have been lost for quite a while. The first session started off with Brian McClaren talking about world-wide crises that we as the church need to engage. It was a good way to kick off the conference. I forgot to mention that Charlie Hall led worship at each of the three sessions today. That was awesome! Can we say massive goatee? He almost looked Jewish, a la David Crowder. The second session was led by Mark Yaconelli. I really, really enjoyed this. He talked about getting away from all of the processes, the forms, and the schedules that we get so tied down to and allowing God to empty us so He can use us. He used the passage of Scripture from Luke 5 where a crowd pressed Jesus and He went into an empty fishing boat and taught the crowd. Then he told the fishermen who worked and toiled all night to go back out and let down there nets again and they caught so many fish that both boats began to sink. Then Peter uttered these words, "Oh, Lord, please leave me—I’m too much of a sinner to be around You." He was essentially saying, "Jesus I can't do this. I'm not good enough or gifted enough. I'm empty, just like my boat was." Mike said that it is this type of person God wants to use right now to speak into the lives of students and lead them into a genuine relationship with God, a relationship that leads them to do more than just exist but rather to live out their faith. Amazing stuff! The last session was led by Shane Claiborne, a native of Tennessee (so at least I was able to hear another southern accent than my own). He talked about moving from a condemning, condescending Christianity where we exclude people to being led by grace and love, seeing with new eyes. Everything seemed to go hand-in-hand today. I pray the rest of the week is as good as today, if not better. I'll be back with more info later.

When Heaven Is Silent

Have you ever had one of those times when it seemed like all of Heaven was silent? It's usually in these times that you really needed to hear from God isn't it? What do you do when nothing seems to be happening, when the Word of God seems to be quiet and the Holy Spirit seems miles away? I wish I could tell you that these times never happen to true believers, but I would be lying. Some of the darkest, most difficult moments as a Christ follower come when you seem to hear, see, or feel nothing at all. Where is God in all of this? Why the haunting silence from the One you need to hear from the most. While I don't have all of the answers (and I even question sometimes whether I have any answers at all), I do know that God promises that He will never leave us or forsake us. That's comforting to know in these times. It doesn't erase the fact that we question and agonize over these times though. I think it's safe to say that we've all been there, crying out to God only to hear nothing in return. Why would a God who loves us so much be so silent when we need Him the most? These questions aren't random thoughts from someone untouched by the quietness of a great God in difficult moments. These questions are born out of experience (past, present, and I'm sure future), out of a heart longing to know, longing to hear from the One who spoke everything into existence, the voice of the One who spoke and the mountains trembled. I long to hear and know Him, truly know Him. In my moments of frustrated silence I've discovered that it is in these times that God shouts the loudest. Many times we can't hear Him because we don't want to hear what He has to say or because we've convinced ourselves that we've slid so far past where God is and where He is moving and speaking that we miss the times He is speaking directly in our situations. C.S. Lewis says, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." That puts a whole new perspective on the trying times. Maybe I'm glutton for punishment, but if it means going through these times of silence for someone to see God and come to know Him, then I'll sing along with Mercy Me as they declare, "Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free. Bring me anything that brings You glory. And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus, bring the rain."

Who needs sleep anyway?

The older I get the more I understand that sleep is a luxury not a necessity. Ever since my son was nine months old I haven't had a full night's sleep without an interruption of some sort. It usually involves getting juice for Micah or bath room runs for him at 2 am. It was just something I got used to. Over the last few months, however, there was a ray of hope glistening on the horizon. Micah was drinking less and less juice and waking up less frequently throughout the night. I was so excited at the thoughts of not waking up to hear, "Daddy, I want some juice". About two weeks ago it happened. Micah slept through the night without any juice! I was certain that this would be the beginning of my full night's sleep. Boy was I mistaken. No sooner had we broken Micah from his juice addiction than Mia started waking up for a drink addiction all her own. Psalm 127:2 promises that God gives sleep to those He loves. This leads me to wonder what I've done to get on the naughty list. Maybe one day I'll get to sleep all throughout the night but until then I guess I'll keep on filling sippy cups of juice and water. Besides, who needs sleep anyway?